You have a friend who has confided in you that they’re dealing with pelvic pain. You don’t know much about it, and you’re worried that you’re going to put your foot in your mouth. Do you ask them for details? Isn’t “pelvic stuff” really private? What if you don’t know what to ask or say?

Consider the email below, which I would’ve loved to receive when I was struggling with pain. The important thing is that you’re empathetic, you make yourself available to provide support, and you’re nonjudgmental. Don’t be afraid to ask questions either, but watch for indications that they’re overwhelming your friend, and ask if they’d rather not discuss the details. (Keep in mind that most women with pelvic pain see a lot of providers before they receive a diagnosis, and it can be a bit exhausting to keep recounting your “story.”)

Whatever you say, do, or write, the important thing is that you’re there. xo.

Dear You,

I’m sending you a virtual hug. I wanted to reach out and let you know that I’m thinking about you and this pain journey you’re on, and I wanted to be sure you know that you’re not alone. I’m here for you — ready to listen, binge reality TV, or grab a cup of coffee.

I can’t put myself in your shoes, but I’d imagine that this has felt so hard and even overwhelming. I’m a willing ear, ready to validate your frustration, exhaustion, anger, and fear. I’m also willing company for when you want to not talk about it. I can beleaguer you with tales of life under the reign of an almost-two-year-old. ;)

When I’ve had my own health issues, I learned (the hard and slow way) that it's crucial to remember that healing isn't always linear. There are always ups and downs, good days and truly shitty days. But know that I think you’re incredibly strong for pushing through, for persevering. I admire your resilience (and yes, I see your resilience! I know you might not feel that way right now.)

Always remember that your life is so full of friends and loved ones who care deeply about you. We're in your corner, and we’d jump at the chance to do anything that would help you (even just a little). If you ever need someone to talk to, a distraction, or a little boost of positivity, please reach out.

Something else that I learned: remember that you’re not defined by this pain. It can be hard for us to not define ourselves by our challenges. While you might one day choose to define yourself by this experience (as a speaker, writer, or clinician), it’s not the pain’s decision to choose that path for you.

Sending you positive energy and healing thoughts.

xo

Erin