Pain changes you: building your new identity from habits

Pain changes you: building your new identity from habits

Then came doctor appointments and physical therapy appointments, and soon, I was out of my wheelchair and walking again. But as the months wore on, my husband ultimately had to take a job out-of-state.  I was doing better, but I found myself completely lost. Who was I now?

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“My body is none of your damn business.”

“My body is none of your damn business.”

Anyone who’s battled chronic pain or invisible illnesses knows the chorus too well: “But you don’t look sick!,” or “But you look so healthy!” The way people look and the way people feel can be vastly different. And none of us should ever feel that it’s appropriate for us to comment upon, criticize, and judge the conduct of others based on outward appearances.

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My pain changed me, and I'm working to be OK with that.

My pain changed me, and I'm working to be OK with that.

I thought I could “start fresh,” making a clean break with my pain-riddled life and beginning the pain-free chapter.  But my reflection since my pain faded away have taught me that there are no clean breaks.  Our lives are fluid, and our experiences color us.  So today, I’ll admit that my pain changed me.  And I’m working to be OK with that.

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I dropped an f-bomb at the gynecologist yesterday. Here's why.

I dropped an f-bomb at the gynecologist yesterday. Here's why.

I think we as patients would often be better off with no medical intervention. Because not all "intervention" counts as healthcare. And yesterday, while I saw a doctor and received an exam and had some tests run, I wasn't cared for. And it felt like shit.

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Graded exposure to work: How I did it with the help of some furry friends

Graded exposure to work: How I did it with the help of some furry friends

My months at the dog daycare were some of the most powerful in my recovery.  When I started work, I struggled with the basics – keeping a routine, maintaining enough energy to get to work, and learning new tasks.  The job was fun and challenging; it was manual labor, and it gave me confidence in my strength – and, importantly, in my ability to integrate my strength into my responsibilities.  Previously, I’d kept the two separate: my responsibilities lived in my laptop, which I used from the security of the sofa; meanwhile, my strength lived at the yoga studio, but I didn’t push its limits outside those walls.  This job, though, combined the two, and it taught me how to harness my energy and [literally] play well with others again.

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